Tuesday, June 26, 2007

What am I waiting for?

WAIT -- Don't go anywhere!! Its still ME! I'm just still finding my voice, and format, for this blog. So don't be surprised if it changes now and then. Okay, now on with the post ...

I am overwhelmed. Since starting this blog and reading so many of yours, I am inundated with emotions. Over things that have happened and things that may (or may not) happen. I just feel such an urge to spew everything out to you all, since I feel only support and no judgment. Its amazing.

So where to start? Maybe a quick list about why the blog is "Waiting for ...?"

1. I am waiting to feel that my family is complete
2. I am waiting to feel that I am complete
3. I am waiting to feel what my calling and contribution to this world will be
4. I am waiting to know what to do about my career (will I ever go back to practicing veterinary medicine?*)
5. I am waiting for my short term (and long term) memory to function again
6. I am waiting for my sanity to return (hopefully it will bring happiness along with it)
7. I am waiting to know where in the country we will finally settle once my husband is done his training (will I like it?)
8. I am waiting to stop being afraid of the future
9. I am waiting to feel like a whole woman again
10. I am waiting ...

*I am sharing my profession because it is a vital part of how I identify myself (when I can), please be understanding that I can not practice medicine over the internet. But I'm always up for talking dog (cats too).

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Cycle news: Not much exciting. Go for E2 tomorrow, then hopefully I'll be scheduled for US soon so I can know how many follies are developing. I'm dying here folks. Although I was glad to hear that my local IVF girlfriend did well and even had extras for the freezer. I'm hoping those good ju ju meds work for me too. I have to admit, I'm nervous now to be cycling so close to this friend. Now that I know things went so well for her, I'm worried they won't go so well for me. Ugh, go away ugly pessimism. It would be so wonderful for us both to be PG together and all that. But I'm freaking out a little that she will get PG or at least be able to do FET, and that my cycle will just bomb. I know that is silly since I truly want all that for her, and of course when I even mention these fears to DH he gets grumpy and insists that I HAVE TO BE POSITIVE. Its like he thinks that the power of positive thinking alone will conquer unexplained IF. "Ah yes, dear damsel in distress, have no fear for Prince Positive is here!"

*sigh*

In brighter news -- J did not drown in swim class, and the group was actually pretty small and the instructors quite good. Yeah! And while he was not exactly a star at his first soccer class, he did manage to finish the whole hour without any tears (just a little whining about being hot and hungry).

E2 tomorrow! I'm smiling, I'm feeling hopeful. Please don't whack me with your sword Prince Positive.

2 comments:

Tam said...

It is hard watching others go through what you are going through too, in reality and blogland. Try and think about it this way, you are two different people and your bodies respond differently to different things, don't be too hard on yourself, your turn will come even if she gets that BFP before you. She prolly feels the same way.

Try and have faith, I know it's not always easy to stay positive, you will feel better once you see things happening :)

Artblog said...

Hi Amy! Thanks for spreading the love at my place, much needed and appreciated :)

Sorry your going through SIF too!

Good luck today!

X Artblog