Thursday, June 21, 2007

Beginning of the End

So, tomorrow is my baseline US and E2. Da, da, da, daaa (that was the overture music, in case you couldn't quite hear it). Its funny, but I'm actually a little blase about it. I know how to get through the basics of the cycle, so its just like ... okay, do this then that. I don't think I'll get too crazy until the first real US.

DH has off this weekend. Of course being a resident that means he will still go in both mornings to round on patients, which could possible kill both mornings. But at least I'll have a little help with J and a chance to catch up on the laundry. Maybe we will even be able to eek out a little romance. Romance? Do I even know what that is anymore? Its bad enough what IF does to a couple and romance, but try adding in 80-100 hour work weeks and chronic fatigue for both of us. We're lucky if we even get a chance to talk about how we are paying for the IVF, let alone whisper sweet nothings anywhere. Sometimes I'm not sure what is screwing up our lives more, IF or residency. Hard to believe, huh? But residency life can be pretty crappy.

Ok, sorry, that last bit just slipped out. We've both worked a long time to get here, and its almost over, but sometimes it just gets to be a little bit much. And even though its his last year of residency, he's pursuing a fellowship (ie another year of being the whipping boy) -- so its painful that fiscal solvency is so far away. Mostly I'm just bitter because he is just starting his last year and his responsibilities have changed some and now he will be home even less, especially in the summer when there are lots of trauma cases.

When will we get to be grown ups? You know, ones with money, who hire babysitters and go out, or go on a real vacation (like one where you need to fly on an airplane and don't stay with friends or family)? Its hard to be this old and watch your peers have nice cars and go to the Bahamas (oh and have babies and still hire babysitters and go out). I know it was my choice to stay at home and that's a big part of why we are broke. And I know that it is worth it for J to have me at home. But some times I feel a little greedy and wish all the training was over and we could relax and afford to enjoy having me at home more. You know by me being able to join a gym, or get a pedicure, or buy fancy underwear!

Okay, this rant has worn me out. And distracted me from tomorrow, so that's good. I'll let you know if the baseline is a go. (thank g-d, no more BCPs, maybe not ever!)


Leah said...

Good luck with your baseline today, I'll have my fingers crossed.

If I knew how to find you, I'd immediately send you gift certificates for a local spa and for your local Victoria's Secret. Everyone deserves a pedicure and new undies -- especially when they are dinking around with the nightmare of ART!

Sticky Bun said...

Sounds like you've got a ton going on! My SIL did a surgical residency and I know from her experience it was H-E-L-L. I can't imagine adding IF and a child into the mix! I give you guys so much credit!

I hope the baseline went well--and that you took your last bcp ever! :-)