Wishing a Happier New Year to ALL

I started this year with a D&C for blighted ovum. I'm ending the year pregnant. But I still worry that next year will start the same. Despite the fact that everything seems to be going fine.

My u/s this morning showed one definite gestational sac in my uterus, and maybe a little something else. Dr. Mumbles would not elaborate any further, and I decided not to ask. I certainly don't thing he anticipates twins in our future. When I pushed him to comment on my progress, he said things looked alright, but we were NOT out of the woods yet. I can't tell if he is just being cautious with my feelings, or whether he is concerned about my slightly slow progress. Today I am 5w5d (or 5w6d depending if you include ER day) -- and we were just finally able to see the sac. It wasn't clear to me if he could see the yolk sac, and the gestational sac looked a little small to me, but he said it was fine. It turns out my beta today was 4100, which doubled in 48hrs from 1950 on Saturday. So this is good, since things can slow down after you reach 2000.

So basically, everything looks fine. My numbers fall in the acceptable ranges, we saw the sac easily once we were over 2000. Yet I just can't get excited, not yet. I do have moments -- I'll think about "when the baby comes," but then I smack myself and yell "FOOL!" I hate that I've become this. I want the next 1-2 weeks to speed by. I want to see that heartbeat. I want to breathe and be relieved. But I worry that I'll find something else to worry about.

At the close of this year, I want to say thank you. To everyone who has welcomed and supported me these last months. I didn't expect that blogging would become such an essential part of my day (it has in fact been a bit addictive). I certainly didn't expect to find so many amazing women who I admire and respect and feel that I've come to know. I hope to meet some of you in the future, and I look forward to having you along with me for this journey. No matter how long it lasts.

Maybe

I feel like a tease. My beta today was deemed "acceptable." It was 1950, and based on the original 100 at 15 dpo the RE says it should be about 2000 today, 24 dpo. So maybe I'm still in the game. I'm having trouble believing it, which certainly is driving the DH bonkers.

Dr. Mumbles isn't really sure why that number from PA was so out of whack, but he says things look okay. However, during the u/s he could not be certain he saw the gestational sac. This naturally worries me too. I'm 5w4d, so we are right on the cusp of seeing it and the fetal pole. He says its still early. But I'm sensing he was a little disappointed not to see it, especially after the beta was so close to 2000. At the beginning of the u/s we all thought there was possibly something maybe 1-2 mm in the uterus. But when he went back later, he couldn't seem to find it again. So, its back again on Monday for another u/s and probably beta.

I'm trying to believe this will work out. I have had 4-5 nasty pimples breakout in the last 48hrs. And my boobs are finally a bit swollen and tender, although the severity varies through the day. That is SO different from my pregnancy with The Snake. Then my bo.obs got big and hard (oh g-d, who will goog.le bring for that one?) and stayed that way. I know every time is different etc. But its hard not to compare.

Alright, my mission is to NOT obsess. Think I'll succeed? ha, ha, ha, ha

Not So Doublicious

Breezed through the holidays dreaming of a new future.

Went for follow up beta here in PA. Future looks very different. Beta is not at an appropriate level. Based on the 260 from Saturday, I'd hoped to be over a 1000 by Wednesday. I was only at 600. The RE had hoped I'd be at 800 at least. He himmed and hawed about labs and varying calibrations and not to get too concerned just yet. But his voice gave him away. He was concerned. I go back home tomorrow. Then repeat beta and u/s on Saturday. I'm seeing another D&C in the new year for me, again.

I don't know if I can do this. DH, of course, refuses to admit this could be bad, that this pregnancy might be over. He's all for the lab error explanation. But I just don't have the strength to have any hope whatsoever. Today I'm very angry. I've lost my cool a bunch of times with The Snake already. I have spent the last 5 years with no control over my life. Not where I live, not what I do, not what my kid does, not when my husband is around, not where I'll live in the future, and not what happens to my own body. If this happens again, I think I might just lose control of my mind. (don't worry, I'm not suicidal, just emotional)

So now I have to get through today. Spend 7 hours in a car tomorrow driving and obsessing. Then I'll have to wait another 12-16 hours to know anything about how this is going to end.

Double Time

Got the call -- second beta 260. Doubling time about 35 hours. RE seemed happy. Still rechecking on Wed 25th, just in order to schedule u/s, which will probably be next Saturday.

I am so relieved. I can't believe this might actually happen.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone -- especially those who told me to keep the faith and hang in there when I was silly crazy. You all have been most wonderful.

And I'm thinking of all my cyclesistas. I wish we were all in the same boat. Hang in there ladies. A new year is on the way.

More later, but I've got to run. The Snake is getting into trouble after 7 hours in a car. Oh, we arrive safely in PA!

Gracias

Thank you ladies for all the reassurance and advice. I guess I should clarify why I was worried though. Although my nurse said that they like the beta to be over 100, and my clinic checks 14 days post-TRANSFER, most clinics and data available from evil dr googl.e say that the beta should be about 100 at 14 dpo. At the time of my beta I was 15 days post-retrieval.

I know, I know -- its only 24 hours and that I was probably well over 50 or more at 14 dpo. Especially since I couldn't even get a positive hpt at 13 dpo, I'm hoping the levels are rising quickly. Its just that nasty blighted ovum issue was last year at this exact time. And I'm just dreading a repeat event.

I want to move to LA next year and spend that year raising my child. Taking walks everyday in the sunshine and visiting fun shops and just enjoying that year. If this doesn't work out, I just don't know that I'm going to enjoy that year very much.

I'm sorry I'm being so negative. I know that I am lucky to even have a chance of things working out. I guess after so many years of trying and failing, its hard to believe there could possibly be a different outcome. I keep reminding myself -- we deserve this (you all do). Its just hard to remember.

Oh if only my boobs were sore! (wonder who google will bring over for that one?)

Beta In

The nurse just called -- beta is 101. They like to see it over 100, but I am a day earlier than originally planned. But, they are already planning for the third beta, anticipating that Saturday's might be so-so. I can't blame them, last year I had the blighted ovum with slowly rising betas. They also want to be sure it is not ectopic or anything -- but somehow I feel pretty certain that's not going to be an issue.

I still have virtually no symptoms, just some mild cramping the last 2 days, and some evening fatigue. Maybe a little bit increased boobs this am, but mild to say the least. It's freaking me out a little.

Now I'm having anxiety as to whether I should head to Pennsylvania on Saturday. I'll probably get my results while I'm driving there, which might be a bad thing. If the numbers aren't good, then I have to have a blood draw on Wednesday, which I can do in PA and have faxed to them. But, of course, it will probably cost me out of pocket. So I don't know if this holiday is going to be much fun. I'm really worried that if the numbers don't double, I'll be alone without DH. But I have to go, The Snake is SO looking forward to Christmas at his grandmother's house. I could delay a day and leave Sunday, but I hate letting IF run my life again. I'll have to think about it. What would you do?

I know its early, and everything may just turn out fine. And I want that more than anything. So I'm petrified that I'm just not going to get it.

Its Always Darkest ...

just before the dawn.

No suspense here, took the FRER this am -- TWO LINES. (no pics, camera broke)

Sorry to have been the whirling dervish of emotions the last few days. You have my sincere apologies for the craziness and compulsive pee-stick issues. But I was amazed how well so many of you seem to know me. Or perhaps this IF/loss experience gives us all similar perspectives on some things. I don't know, but I am so grateful to have joined this community and had all of you to sit with me through this experience. And I hope you will stick around a bit, since we are certainly not out of the woods yet.

I'm going to call the RE office to see if I can get my beta little early so I can visit my family as planned. I'm guessing if the betas are okay, then there will be an u/s sometime around new year's.

I'm hoping this is just the first of much good news for everyone. I know I am very lucky to have gotten this far and I am most grateful. I'm hoping there is success and peace for all my friends in this community soon this new year.

Ironically, this is my 100th post.

Fading ... *Updated*

My hope is fading. I know, I know -- its early. Sort of. But not so much. Today is 10dp3dt, or 13 dpo. Unless one of these guys is a SUPER late implanter, I think I'm probably out of this game. Dollar store test NEG this morning.

I know all the things you are going to say (its too early, dollar store tests suck, its okay that you don't have symptoms, its too early). And I love you for it. And yesterday your comments buoyed me up. But today I'm having trouble believing. I feel like Virginia who has given up on Santa Claus.

I have one FRER test left. I'm saving it for Thursday (I think). Beta is scheduled for Friday. I'm planning on leaving town on Saturday. I considered staying an extra day to cry in my coffee and be with DH, but it turns out he is on-call anyway and will likely be stuck in surgery much of the day. So why bother, I may as well drive 7 hours to my parents. But I feel bad that we will be grieving separately. I think he really had a lot of hope pinned on this one, and he actually showed it this time. It breaks my heart I can't seem to give this to him.

So many thoughts are going through my head about my life. Was it a mistake to give up my career and stay home? Was it a mistake to bankrupt us in pursuing this? Do I even know who I am anymore? What are we going to do from here? When did I get so old?

Anyway, I'll let you know if I suddenly turn into the miracle story. I know, it could happen. I'm just not counting on it.

UPDATE
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. I was so touched by your careful and thoughtful comments. Ones that showed you understand exactly where I am. And you all knew just the right things to say. And that is the best type of medicine. Perhaps it might even shove open the door a bit, and allow a tiny glimmer of hope in. Maybe. I'm so glad I'm not going through this alone -- you mean a lot to me.

9dp3dt, 12dpo -- Where I Come Clean

It's shameful really. I have been unable to resist the pee monsters. When I learned that you might get a positive with an OPK, I dug out a bunch of old ones in my closet and went to town. Of course, they weren't very helpful. Turns out most of them were expired, and I didn't get anything notable. So then on Friday I hit the dollar store. Couldn't hold back any longer. It was only 6dp3dt, but I did it anyway. Negative. Being the positive, cup-half-full girl that I am (NOT), I figured at least I knew trigger shot was gone. I indulged again yesterday, negative.

I know that it is still early, and things could change in just a day. But this is so hard. And the DH is getting tired of hearing me be so negative. I understand, he's the positive guy. And nothing he says can change my pessimism, so he's tired of trying. I just can't seem to muster any hope that this is going to be different this time. And this is the last time. I have no symptoms, and my previously perky breasteses are now back to normal. I try to remember that it took several days WITH symptoms before I got a positive HPT with The Snake -- so maybe I tend to be slow to make hCG. But its hard to hang my hat on that.

Okay, sorry for the pity party. Just feeling a bit unhinged. I'd like to try and hold out until 11dp3dt (14dpo) before testing again -- but I think the monsters might get me tomorrow.

The Gardens

So last week I went to the local Botanical Gardens to see the holiday display, which included a garden railway for the kids. We had a nice time and I shot an entire roll of film. Oddly, there are no pictures of the holiday display. Rather I took many of the new sculpture displays. Perhaps some part of me has completely given up Christmas?

Where I'm From

I promised some literary diversions, so here goes. I found this idea on Flicka's blog vacantuterus. She did a lovely job, and even recruited her dad to participate. If you'd like to give it a try, visit here for a template. I'm hoping my mom will share her version too.


WHERE I'M FROM

I am from cheese and bologna sandwiches, from Hershey Kisses, and 4 gallons of white milk.

I am from the twin house with the musty dictionary always ready in the coat closet, and afghans on the couch. From the black pickup with its own sweet smells. From homework at the kitchen table, and cousins down the street.

I am from the matching flowers in Mrs. Jefferis front yard, and the worn path around the well-house field. From the patient dog and the vegetable garden in my uncle’s back yard.

I am from watches on 21st birthdays, from Dinty Moore Beef Stew and all the furniture painted brown.

I am from the quick-tongued and the quickly pensive or forlorn. From the raucous and the do-whatever-you-need.

From sit still, and stop fighting, and clean your room. From quit reading that book and go outside. From put dinner on at 4:30, and pick up some bread.

I am from incense, candles, stained glass, kneeling and small bells. From processions to the same alter, and celebrations at the same fire hall.

I'm from verdant green hills, mists, and crumbling castles. From poets and minstrels. From pointless bloodshed. From potatoes and ham with boiled cabbage.

From one of the county hospital’s first graduating nurses who met her love at work, and the haberdasher’s widow who reared a strong brood of eight.

I am from the china cabinet that smells of wood shavings and Old English. From the brown leather album with crumbling black pages and white photo corners and tiny greeting cards tumbling out. From the boxes of slides and the collections of poses in the front yard or on the staircase. From the jewelry box with the symbols of their affection for over 50 years.


I'd love to learn about where you are from ...

Snowy Day

Like many here on the east coast-ish region, we are getting a full day of snow. Likely will be 4-6 inches, at least. The Snake is in heaven. Although school was NOT canceled, so I'm in heaven.

I found this site (on a parenting blog called Rocks in my Dryer) and thought it was so much fun. So for our friends without snow, you can still make your own. Let it load and then click on "create your own snowflake." Go on, try it. You'll like it.


Do you like the snow? Or do you dread it? Are you truly disappointed if it isn't a white Christmas?

4dp3dt

The sun is shinning today, literally. So I feel a little brighter. Not quite hopeful yet, but not so scattered and anxious. Thank you so much to all of you who offered kind words and alcohol. You're the best and know me so well! I've had a deep craving for serious amounts of mind altering chemicals, but alas, they will have to wait. And I love how many different people have stopped by to offer encouragement. And even more I love those of you who stop every time and remind me you are waiting with me. It means a lot. (of course, this is by no means blackmail to keep you around. oh wait, maybe it is.)

I'm trying hard not to go to the dollar store. That's right, no stash of pee sticks in this house. One solitary 5-day early test. Too costly to blow at this early stage. I've been dying to go to the dollar store every day when The Snake is at school. Luckily, today I'm the helping mom in the classroom, so that should keep me away. Cause I know as soon as I buy any, I will not be able to hold back. I'm going to try to wait until 7dp3dt (10dp0), which will also be 12 days after trigger. Puts us at Saturday. Of course, we all know about best laid plans.

I'll try to post about something besides the tortous wait soon. I found all these writing ideas on others blogs that I swore I'd try during the TWW, so maybe I'll tackle one of those tonight.

This Moment

The child is occupied. Everyone is fed. The kitchen is clean. The rug has been vacuumed. The laundry is done (mostly). The sheets are even fresh.

I am jumping out of my skin. Like a detoxing addict I feel creepy crawlies all over me. Like if someone spoke to me I will explode (or maybe implode) in milliseconds. Like I may alternately scream and then sob.

Yet I sit here. Quietly. Waiting. Again.

In the Beginning ...

there was anxiety. I don't know why. In previous treatment cycles the first week wasn't so hard. I know its too early to test or feel any different. Yet there are moments where I just feel my heart race and my mind race and there is no peace.

Dr. Mumbles called today, no embryos made it to freezing. We knew this was likely to be the case. But when I didn't hear from him yesterday, I had a little secret hope that just maybe ...

It doesn't help that the weather here is rotten. Not as cold, but gray, gray, gray. And now bitter cold rain. This time of year I almost wish I was working. Then I'd probably be in a building with few windows, lots of bright fluorescent lights and activity. It harder to get SAD in that environment.

I'm trying to stay busy, but so many of my holiday chores are unappealing. And much of it is baking to take to my family for Christmas, so its too early to start much of it. My shopping is done. I find myself sitting on the couch watching TV or on the internets. And counting the days until maybe I can test.

This was our last try. For at least one and a half years, at which point I'm not likely to do very well. I'm so much more hopeful than other treatment cycles, since things mostly went well. But worry is creeping in. How will I handle it if this fails? I will know literally a day or two before I leave to celebrate the holidays with my parents -- and without my husband. Can I handle that if the result is negative?

I think today I'm stuck on the negatives. Maybe tomorrow the rain will stop.

Sunday Worship

This is where I'd like to spend my Sunday morning. With quiet sunshine and bubbling fountains.

Makeover

Well, with an entire day of bed rest and nothing to do ... I've changed my look. The look of my blog silly! If you're reading in a RSS feed, click over and check me out. Come on, you know you want to.

I hope you like it. I'm sure there will be more tweaking but its more of what I wanted. My special thanks to Niobe, for some of the inspiration. I hope you don't mind some of the similarities, I really love the white box for the body of the post. I'm hoping to share some more photos now that I have a little more neutral, earthy background.

So now that I've learned a little about fiddling with HTML code, now I need to master my iPhoto program. I can do some editing, but I really don't quite get the organizational aspects. I need to do the tutorial, but -- boring! I wish I could afford the fancy digital camera I want, along with Photshop. Aaah, that would be heaven.

Three, Its a Magic Number

Moving on to happier things ...

Of the six that fertilized (which, by the way, needed NO ICSI, which they hadn't told me before. Yeah a $500+ savings!) --

• one went no where
• two at 5-cell
• one 6-cell
• two 8-cell, one graded EXCELLENT, and one very good

So, Dr. Mumbles recommended transferring the 2 8-cells and felt it wouldn't be a bad idea to throw in the 6-cell too. He said that if it turns out to be triplets, he promises to help babysit. Really he thought that our risk of that was extremely low. And he is not terribly hopeful that the 5-cell ones will make it to freezing, and probably not the 6-cell either. So we opted to put it back rather than likely having to discard it.

We had talked the night before that we would be okay with putting back 3 if Dr. Mumbles recommended it. He is pretty conservative. But driving home DH and I were starting to feel a little nervous. I think since we now know of some people who got big surprises despite poor quality embryos, that gave us pause. But realistically, my success in the past has been pretty poor, so it seems unlikely. We would be fine with multiples, and my first pregnancy went very well, so hopefully my body could handle things. But our big concern is more the timing. When this cycle is successful (did you notice the when, not if?), I would be due about 2 months after our big move to LA. But if it is multiples and they come early, we could be in the midst of the move. And we also have to go one month without employer supplied health insurance. So COBRAing with a high-risk pregnancy and not being sure what state I'll be in at the time is a little concerning. But obviously, this is getting ahead of ourselves.

Thank you to all my FRIENDS who have supported me and held my hand through this cycle. It means more than you know. And thanks to all those who have stopped over from cyclesista or other's blogs to cheer me on too, I really appreciate it. Now I'll be counting on all you ladies to keep me busy during this awful 2ww. HUGs to all my cyclesistas for happy outcomes. I think its time for another wave of BFP in the blogosphere.

Deep Breathing -- warning, long post

So I am trying really hard to settle down and lower by blood pressure and just chill before the big transfer day tomorrow morning. Somehow the cosmos came together tonight to make me crazy.

First, I HURT. I know I had more than 7 decent size follicles, so I'm sure they hit me with that big ole needles more than 7 times. And today I'm really feelin' it. Especially on the left side. It just really aches and I get stabbing pains when I get up and down from sitting. I also have gassy, bloaty feelings like my insides are generally not happy. To top it off, out of tyle.nol.

Second, The Snake comes out of school looking miserable. It seems the brief, yet deep and rattling, cough he had yesterday has become full on illness. We tried to hit the library and he keep asking to sit down -- totally NOT normal. Then we progressed further downhill with crankiness until bedtime.

Third, my DH has my valium script and still hasn't filled it yet. He wants to drop it off on the way home from the hospital tonight and pick it up in the morning before our appointment (uh, NO). Oh, and did I mention that he is still not home yet?

Last, I think it was a strange conversation with my sister that really set me off. She called to ask a holiday gift question. She asked how I am, so I said good, really good. She asks if it is close the the big day. So, of course I inform her that the day has come and gone and went very well. Just waiting for more big news tomorrow.

Talking with her about my IF is so hard. She never says those awful, insensitive things that some of you have been subjected to, but yet she doesn't really say anything. I think that is the tough thing. I have no idea her perspective. She has become a very faithful Catholic, and into new-agey books like The Secret and ones about positive thinking. And often my cynical, clinical, scientific perspective puts us at odds. But she is my only sister. And she had no idea what was going on with me at one of the most momentous times in my life.

The irony is that in my 20s I had considered whether I would be willing to be an egg donor or surrogate for her. I know Square Peg recently wrote about a similar event in her life (Mel mentioned it in the Friday Round-up). Growing up, I was the one with the buxom figure, the child-bearing hips. My sister was thin, waif-like and much older than me. I always figured I would be the fertile one. She also was a strong, independent young woman -- a role model I was proud to have. But she had poor luck in love and it looked like she'd be starting her dream of children later in life. When I saw IF stories in the media, I would often think of her and ponder donation. I definitely believed that I would want to make that gift to her. The even greater irony is that she found herself pregnant immediately after marriage, and her second child followed less than 2 years later. Turns out, she was the fertile one.

And now, I feel so little support from her. In my deepest moments of sadness, she was certainly there and kind. But she shows no interest in that aspect of my life. Whenever we talk about it, she is often quiet, verging on silent. I don't know if she has religious opposition to IVF. If she thinks our differing perspectives makes the conversation too difficult. If it is a reflection of her desire for more children (her hubby said no-go to more).

At this time of holidays and family and joy, it makes me sad we are not really connected. I think this is one reason I've been so desperate to give J a sibling. Hoping he will have that connection that I don't seem to have with any of my 5 siblings.

Sorry for such a downer post. I feel better having shared. I'm going to eat brownies and watch crappy TV and chill until tomorrow. I have not heard anything since the fertilization report, so I'm hoping all is good for the morning! Looking forward to that valium!

Ready?

Ok, ready? Are you sitting down (probably right)?

SIX out of seven fertilized.

Dr. Mumbles said he is very pleased and overall he felt my cycle went very well. Of course he pulled a CYA by saying "I don't want to get you too pumped up. We have a few more stages to get through." But then he said again that he was very happy with everything!

Transfer on Saturday where they'll pick the best. I have a feeling that if they look pretty good he will push to only transfer two. Dr. Mumbles is fairly conservative. I am not quite 36, so I'm not particularly eager to push for three, unless the quality is seriously poor. Of course, we all know that doesn't always correlate, right Mary Ellen?

Thank you so much to all of you who have taken a moment to leave words of encouragement. It really means a lot to hear all of you cheering me on. Be sure to support ALL my Cyclesistas -- Becks (my long lost twin across the pond), Chicklet, SingleTracey, Carrie at Precious Little, and M at My Sanctuary. I'm wishing all you ladies the very best of luck and a quick 2ww!

Lucky Number Seven

So the yield was SEVEN. Of course, being greedy I was hoping for 8-10. But Dr. Mumbles said they looked very good, so I'll just have to be satisfied, right?

Now the nail-biting wait 'til the morning for the fertilization report. Transfer likely to be Saturday (they generally do 3 day transfer). Maybe we will luck out with a high fert rate and actually get something to freeze. Maybe.

Today I will rest, mostly. But I promised to go to The Snake's preschool and talk about Hanukkah. Funny, huh, since I was raised Catholic? Resident Boy is the official Jew in our home. But as usual, the culture-religious training falls to the woman. *sigh*

Cross your fingers that I don't put my foot in it!

Happy Chanukkah

To all our Jewish mishpucheh out there, we wish you a healthy, safe, and blessed holiday.

The Snake was so excited tonight I thought we might have to peel him off the ceiling. Resident Boy made it home well before sunset, which was very nice. The Snake got the candles ready and we said the blessings. Then, of course, came the gift opening. It was so funny, The Snake changed his mind about every 10 seconds as to which package he wanted to open tonight. Then he had to open ours for us too.

It was a pleasant night.

Blog You Very Much

Thanks so much to JJ for this wonderful BYVM concept. I'm so happy to say thanks to those who inspired me and helped give me the courage to start blogging.

It is tough to pinpoint one single story that set me off into the blogosphere, but like so many stories, mine starts with Melissa at Stirrup Queens. I'm not certain how I got to her page, but it set me off reading lots of infertility stories, and I suddenly didn't feel so isolated. Of those first blogs, there were two that I really identified with. These two women felt like kindred spirits. They were intelligent (as all you ladies are), sensitive, kind and witty -- along with a fun dose of silly. As I wrote my fledgling posts, they supported me with such enthusiasm and love -- in fact, they commented on nearly all my posts that first month -- so, I was addicted.

Thank you Sticky Bun for being your sweet and thoughtful self. You were the first blogger to really reach out to me. You were the first to email me personally and share even more deeply about your experience. It meant so much to me and I am so thrilled that things are soon to get really exciting in your life!

Thank you Leah at Tales From My Dusty Ovaries (although I coveted your title and since I couldn't steal it, thus my lame title). You were the first blogger I could share my experiences of secondary infertility and find someone who totally got it. You lightened my day with humor and fellowship (especially how we both like to refer to our ovaries as dusty, crusty, etc.). And you cheered me on not to give up hope. Your experience has given me the strength to try again with sincere hope and optimism.

There are lots of other ladies whose writing, wit and support have meant a lot. Thank you all for being honest, open and willing to embrace others in this difficult part of life.

Lift Off Scheduled

Retrieval set for Wednesday. Holy crap. No 12 or 14 day stim. No cancellation. Holy crap.

I don't know what else to say.

Holy Follicles Batman!

Well ... scan this morning was pretty good. Had at least 6-8 on the left, and probably 5-7 on the right. He really couldn't measure all the ones on the left cause they were all cluster and smooshed up against each other. All measuring around the 16 mm mark. Dr. Smooth was actually positive and almost enthusastic!

I was so worried that I would stall with the decrease in meds. I still need to get the E2 to be sure that hasn't happened, but things look good. Dr. Smooth figures trigger Mon or Tues and then ER on Wed or Thurs. This is really going to happen. And we may get a decent number of eggs. Wow.

I'm really getting excited. But trying to remember that lots of eggs doesn't necessarily equal a positive beta. But it gives me more hope.

I know some of my cyclesistas have had a little rougher time this go-round. I'm thinking of you girls and hoping things get better. I've been there, and it sucks. Hugs to you.