4dp3dt

The sun is shinning today, literally. So I feel a little brighter. Not quite hopeful yet, but not so scattered and anxious. Thank you so much to all of you who offered kind words and alcohol. You're the best and know me so well! I've had a deep craving for serious amounts of mind altering chemicals, but alas, they will have to wait. And I love how many different people have stopped by to offer encouragement. And even more I love those of you who stop every time and remind me you are waiting with me. It means a lot. (of course, this is by no means blackmail to keep you around. oh wait, maybe it is.)

I'm trying hard not to go to the dollar store. That's right, no stash of pee sticks in this house. One solitary 5-day early test. Too costly to blow at this early stage. I've been dying to go to the dollar store every day when The Snake is at school. Luckily, today I'm the helping mom in the classroom, so that should keep me away. Cause I know as soon as I buy any, I will not be able to hold back. I'm going to try to wait until 7dp3dt (10dp0), which will also be 12 days after trigger. Puts us at Saturday. Of course, we all know about best laid plans.

I'll try to post about something besides the tortous wait soon. I found all these writing ideas on others blogs that I swore I'd try during the TWW, so maybe I'll tackle one of those tonight.

This Moment

The child is occupied. Everyone is fed. The kitchen is clean. The rug has been vacuumed. The laundry is done (mostly). The sheets are even fresh.

I am jumping out of my skin. Like a detoxing addict I feel creepy crawlies all over me. Like if someone spoke to me I will explode (or maybe implode) in milliseconds. Like I may alternately scream and then sob.

Yet I sit here. Quietly. Waiting. Again.