Sunday, October 7, 2007

My Life Would Be Different If ...

my last pregnancy had been viable.

It occurred to me the other day, if my last positive had not wound up being a blighted ovum, then I would have a two-month-old little girl in my arms. It makes me sad, not just because she is not here, but because I am losing my ability to even imagine what it would be like. I forget a lot of my only pregnancy. The anxiety of those newborn-newmother days have erased many of the early memories. What would it be like to hold an infant, comfort her, nurse her? I think I am ready to enjoy it so much more the second time around.

8 comments:

DD said...

Yes, yes, yes...I just want to have another chance.

Ms. Planner said...

Oh, so sweet. I am sorry for this anniversary of sorts. These are tough things to ponder. Thinking of you and wishing you some peace.

Also, I wanted to thank you for your words of support and encouragement on my blog. It really, really means a lot to me to you on *my side*. You have no idea how much your comment lifted my spirits.

Kristen said...

I'm sorry about your loss. :(

Both of my losses burn brightly especially around their milestones. It is so hard.

I hope you can find some peace to get through this difficult time. XOXO

Geohde said...

Such a wistful post.

I have no child, but I understand the emotion. The 'if only things had gone differently'....

It's an ache.

J

SaraS-P said...

Those realizations can really sting.

I will always think of my ghost children and what it would be like if they had made it to being born.

JJ said...

Milestones are thorns in our side--but they make us stronger (though it doesnt make it easier)...thinking of you.

Tam said...

Oh Amy, we all know that feeling so well, life would be different for a lot of us if this IF business hadn't interfered!! We're here for you sweetie.

Thinking of you and sending you loads of love and hugs xxx

niobe said...

This post makes me so sad. For you, of course, and the little girl that you don't have. But also for me. Because, somehow, even if the twins had survived, I don't think my life would really be all that much different.