The Growth of Spring

Spring is struggling forth in my region, where winter typically hangs on with steely frigid claws until well into April. But this week, old man winter has been sent packing. And with a brief peak at spring, my mommy blues went to join him, at least for today.

As of late, parenting a nearly 5-year-old boy has been something of an unpleasant chore. Despite my best efforts, most moments were spent counting the minutes until school started or daddy would be home so I could be off-duty. Some of this is circumstances -- not too many preschoolers understand how maintaining your house in staged-for-on-the-market status is draining and means you have NO interest in building with legos. Some is developmental stage -- we are heavy into the it's not fair stage. Some is stress and fatigue, for both of us.

The last few weeks these feelings have given me a lot of guilt. Here I am, pregnant finally with two very wanted children. Yet I had no desire to parent my adored first-born. And while I heard the echoes of all those parenting books about positive reinforcement and quality time reverberating through my head, I just couldn't break out of that rut.

Then something clicked today. The stars aligned. The sun shone. We ate doughnuts.

Today I saw the face of that tiny little boy who would smile at me with a little sparkle. The boy who hovered around me waiting for a little kiss, then actually went to play on his own. And my big boy showed up to help me clean and put things away, without complaint. But sweetest of all, bedtime was peaceful, with a few silly moments tucked in.

I hope in the chaos of the upcoming months we can find a few more days like this, for my little boy is growing up.