Some background is required. My parents are active Catholics (yet I wouldn't quite say devout, they lack that certain disturbing fervor for that label in my mind), and we were raised in that tradition. I no longer consider myself a Catholic, in fact, my husband and I have agreed to raise our child(ren) Jewish, in his family's traditions. Anyway, during my trip I was eating lunch with a family member, who in the difficulties in her life has "found" g-d, along with several self-help "be happy" books (granted some of these are helpful, I even have a few, but I saw "The Secr*t" on her bookshelf and more of the same vein).
So, my son suddenly asks "Mom, when are you going to have a baby?" We've crossed this bridge a few times in the last year and generally stick with "we don't know, but we'd like to" which seems enough of an answer for him. Well, this time, before I can answer, this family member shrugs and tells him "It's up to g-d." I took a long deep breath and swallowed a lot of emotions.
This person has always been understanding that J would be raised Jewish and supported that in the best way she could. And she knows that my perspective on g-d is very different than hers. So it was tough for me to choke this one down. But I have found that it is not worth it to enter this debate.
But I was thinking about that experience today as I was reading dd's archive. She said exactly how I feel on this subject:
"I dismiss any and all claims that God somehow has a hand in my infertility. How could he? How could anyone think he has a bigger picture in mind when he strikes my family’s life with such sadness and loss ..."
I wish others could understand that, for me, playing the g-d card is the same as saying "just relax." As an old friend used to say "that just chaps my ass."
9 comments:
If it were really up to 'god' then crack whores and abusive parents wouldn't be parents.
I have a hard time when people use that card on me. It just makes me angry.
Hey Reality, you're commenting, so I know you are out there. How are you FEELING? Hoping your doing better. Keep us updated, okay?!
I'm not religious or spiratual in the least, so "It's up to g-d" would really p*ss me off. Mind you so does the relaxing jag.
The things people say whe they think they're being helpful,eh?
I agree with MR--I have a VERY hard time with all the crack whores who just get knocked up...but I love that you are holding onto a positive attitude--I, too, dont think God handed us an IF card--we have been put here for a reason--we just need to get through to the other side=)
I so agree Amy, Ive said a billion times in my own blog how its so easy to blame god, hes the obvious scapegoat, when its clear that if you were religious enough, you'd know that god doesn't decide everything that happens in our lives, he gives us choices to make and freewill and exactly as reality says if you really believe in a god that would let good things happen to bad people and let bad things happen to good people than how can you respect him and what god wants is respect and love.
Personally, I blame mother nature and environmental pollution for infertility and also in my case, non germinal mutations that cause birth defects, not god!
Ugh. I know folks try to be well meaning but I will never ever have an expectation that even if my good friends are here for me, that they won't really 'get it' unless they've gone through it. Kudos to you though for just letting the comment gracefully pass on by. Its just not worth it. Hugs to you :)
A comment like that would irritate me too, I think no matter what my religion (or lack thereof). Even if you do believe in god, how someone can believe that he/she/it would be that involved with individual lives is beyond me.
That chaps my ass too. Crack whores and 13 year olds and one night stands? God wanted that? Arrrrr.
Yes, I totally agree with you. I think it is sometimes just nature. Ahh, have you ever read "When bad things happen to good people." Well, it says so much, but the bit that I hold dear - sometimes stuff happens.
Thank you for your comments, if you don't mind I'll be putting you on my blog roll.
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