Saturday, March 15, 2008

Evil Anxiety

There are so many things to share about from the last two weeks, but I'm feeling so strange today. Some how I'm just overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness. The trip out west went okay, but after each 4 hour flight I had some light brown spotting for 12-24 hrs. No cramping or other symptoms and each event seems to be over. But today my abdomen just feels intermittently tight and uncomfortable (probably just stretching, but of course I doubt). I'm tired but not able to really sleep. I have a mild headache from not really doing anything all day. I have no appetite. I get dizzy easily (this has been happening throughout on occasion).

I just feel intensely sad and worried. Which is so ridiculous since I've been able to feel movement for a more than a week. I'm 16 and a half weeks and have felt the babies even today -- although my mood has me convinced that it is less than other days. I just can't shake this spooked feeling.

I've finally caught up with my back log of blog posts, and was disappointed to find more sad news lately. Of course there are some who are doing just fine, but is it easier to focus on the bad today. What is wrong with me!?

Our trip to LA was helpful, although we still don't know exactly where we will live. There are literally a 1000 things to get done in the next 2 weeks and I don't fathom how it will all happen when I feel so BLAH. Of course we came home to gray, rainy weather and over a foot of melting snow -- so that's not helping. I am lucky that my lovely DH is home this weekend, and he is keeping The Snake out of my hair. He has been so good to me lately, as always. He is positive things will all be fine, both with the babies and our year in LA. I just can't seem to latch on to that today.

I know I should just let go, chill out today and hope that tomorrow is better. I'll try.

9 comments:

Geohde said...

I totally get it.

Seventeen weeks today and feeling less movement than a few days ago. Creeped out. Worried.

I mean, the odds of bad things happening are meant to be low at this point but it seems to happen to so many of us...

J

Lori said...

Just sending you thought of sunnier days. May the clouds pass soon, with no lasting effects.

Hugs, Amy.

Sticky Bun said...

I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. Sometimes the fear does just grip you--and with everything you have going on, it's totally understandable. I hope that the spotting goes away and that the movements kick up so you can feel even better.

Hang in there. Sounds like you're under a ton of stress. Try (though I can only imagine how hard this might be), try to take some time for you and for relaxation.

thinking of you...

Rebecca said...

Sorry you're so down...the weather doesn't help either! I'm at 16 weeks and haven't felt movement yet, but I'm really trying not to let it bother me...now I'm just jealous that you're feeling it! Hope you come out of your funk and good luck getting everything together!

christina(apronstrings) said...

i would worry too, it's normal. i hope little one keeps reminding you that this is going to work.

JJ said...

Hoping that fear lets go of you VERY soon...Im sorry for the lingering thoughts. Hope that today is better!

Katie said...

Ugh, I hate how WORRIED we all are. How it sometimes all comes crashing down how awful it is to be so scared all of the time. I had one of those moments myself this morning, where I sometimes wonder if I can take it. BUT of course, I can and must.

Can you call your doctor for some reassurance on the spotting? I know for sure that I would!

Ms. Planner said...

Wow. It sounds like you are under so much stress. I hope having your honey home for a week will help alleviate some of it for you. In addition to all the work you managing in your life currently, you are hard at work growing two (TWO) little babies! Go treat yourself to a prenatal massage, sister. Thinking of you.

Artblog said...

Have you seen your OB yet? I'm sure, I hope its nothing but better to check and be sure then worry your head off.

Take care and rest up.

XXX